H&M is trying to save you from AIDS, with the help of the anti-pants coalition. On their site, you can make your own little danceable beat by mashing up videos of celebrities clapping, hooting, hollering, whizzing, bang— okay, maybe not that one. The interface is kludgy but pretty neat looking.

It’s also reminiscent of the Converse ad / music phenomenon from last year. That’s probably because they’re both in black & white, and they both feature Pharell. How did H&M differentiate themselves from this obvious comparison?

No pants!

Here’s our contribution, featuring the lovely Róisín Murphy, Dita Von Teese, and Yelle.

All this non-pants parading is getting me a bit uncomfy. I mean, sure, I’m fine with the human form. But after pants, what’s next? No shorts? No leggings? No juniors-sized tighty whities? NO CLOTHES? Holy pantyliners, Batman! Good thing dudes can keep their stuff organized without the aid of conglomerate “fashion” houses.

I would blame Lady GaGa, but she didn’t start it. I’d also blame American Apparel, but they just sell the paraphernalia. (Okay, American Apparel does a lot worse, but I’ll leave that out for now.) H&M are being somewhat irresponsible here, since they do affect a much wider population than Lady GaGa or American Apparel. Let’s just say it’s YOUR fault for having such a great ass.

There are those who just love this trend. (You know who you are. And so do I.) But for the millions of women and men (and children!) adversely affected by this traumatic craze, it’s past warning stages. We need to up the terror alert to infrared and distribute our own sort of paraphernalia:

Pants.

And these cards to the worst offenders you’ll notice throughout the warm days. Feel free to download the PDF and distribute the cards as you see fit.

We can win. We can wear pants. We can save the world from AIDS at H&M, wearing pants. In fact, we can do anything we want… without passing butt bugs in the process.