1. Christine O’Donnell
While it pains me to make this woman any more famous than she already is, her costume would be quite simple: all you need is a little black dress and your fanciest hat.

2. Niki Minaj
This year Miss Minaj took the rap scene by storm, but let’s not kid ourselves by saying it’s because of her lyrics. Yes, her animated wordplay might be delightfully delicious, but it’s her supersized buns that got everyone’s attention in the first place. To make your costume complete, pick a wig that is obviously not your original hair color — preferably a shade you can only find in a pack of Skittles.

3. & 4. Justin Beiber
This pre-pubescent wonder swooned his way into our collective consciousness this year with songs about girls that he’s only gotten to first base with. Key ingredient to this outfit? Carefully quaffed hair. BONUS: If you’re a blonde, this costume doubles as Ellen Degeneres.

5. Couples costume – Let Me In
A list of Halloween costumes wouldn’t be complete without at least ONE vampire getup, and since my Edward Cullen boycott is still ongoing, I’m sticking with the creepy girl from Let Me In. Whether you are a fan of the new American version or the original Swedish flick, there’s no shame in paying homage to one of the best vampire stories told in recent memory.

6. Mark Zuckerberg
This one is for everyone who isn’t a fan of Halloween. You would think it’d be a lot harder to look like the guy that invented Facebook, but this anti-costume consists of things you’d probably wear anyway: t-shirt, jeans, sneakers, and that bored look on your face.

7. The Gulf
BP’s epic fail this year left us all feeling a little dirty. Why not mine the oil spill for a sick costume? Just douse yourself in maple syrup and you’re good to go. Extra points if you’ve got birds that can’t escape your outfit.

8. Tiger Woods
This one is too easy, but I just couldn’t help myself from putting him on the list. They’ve already got a Tiger mask, complete with the bumps and bruises his wife left him with. Golf club sold separately.

9. Katy Perry on Sesame Street
Now you can finally put to use that inappropriately transparent figure skating outfit hanging in your closet! You knew it would come in handy one day, and so did we. Although I stand by the opinion that Neil Patrick Harris’s Sesame Street appearance was infinitely more entertaining.

10. Tron
Anyone with glow in the dark markers and some elbow grease has got this year’s costume COVERED. With all the fanboys buzzing about the sequel to 1982’s Tron, it’s difficult not knock over your action figure collection in excitement. And for those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, or haven’t seen the original film: that’s a void in your life that I can’t fill for you.

I consider my parents to be fairly tech-savvy for their generation, but it still took me quite a bit of explaining to convince my parents that they didn’t have to log into AOL to get on the internet and that, yes, it’s all the same internet. But the parents on College Humor’s ongoing series, Parents Just Don’t Understand, seriously take the cake. I know, I know, they didn’t grow up with technology the way we did, but really? I mean, REALLY? You’ve got to read these yourselves to get the full effect, but below are some of the visuals from the site, just to whet your appetite.

Turns out, there’s an app for that, and answering that question took all of about 11 seconds: according to YouTube for iPhone, the Top 10 Most Viewed videos of All Time are:

1. Charlie bit my finger – again ! 224,593,765 views
2. Evolution of Dance – By Judson Laipply 150,770,951
3. Pitbull – I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho) 140,248,229
4. Hahaha 135,077,762
5. Jeff Dunham – Achmed the Dead Terrorist 118,099,137
6. Miley Cyrus – The Climb -Official Music 106,823,959
7. Lo que tu Quieras Oir 102,409,740
8. An experiment 102,041,738
9. thigh massage video 97,503,559
10. Tootin’ Bathtub Baby Cousins 90,912,384

Mystery solved, and pants of smartness awarded to me, right? Not so fast. I get home and hit YouTube again, just to check my facts². Turns out youtube.com has a different Top 10 Most Viewed of All Time:

1. Justin Bieber – Baby ft. Ludacris 306,188,935
2. Lady Gaga – Bad Romance 270,634,841
3. Charlie bit my finger – again ! 224,593,765
4. Waka Waka (This Time for Africa) 170,584,933
5. Miley Cyrus – Party In The U.S.A. 152,219,847
6. Evolution of Dance – By Judson Laipply 150,770,951
7. Pitbull – I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho) 140,248,229
8. Hahaha 135,101,713
9. Miley Cyrus – 7 Things # 130,351,835
10. Lady Gaga – Just Dance ft. Colby O’Donis 120,562,793

Initial reaction: Holy crap! Statistically speaking, YouTube doesn’t know their ass from their elbow. Slower, somewhat more calculated reaction: Hmmm. It must have something to do with rights management. This stood to reason since, A) the hit counts for items appearing on both lists are essentially identical, and B) the recording industry is known for maintaining tight control of their product. since all of the additions are professionally licensed music product³. Yet more analytic analysis: Huh. Except Miley Cyrus is on both lists. What gives?

And actually, I don’t have time to dig into it right now — we’re trying to launch a website, and I’m getting the stink eye for not being more productive. Clearly it has something to do with Apple and their relationship with Justin Bieber’s and Lady Gaga’s rights holders, which surely means it’s complicated and will take time to resolve through peaceful courtroom negotiation. But if anyone has any insights, feel encouraged to share ‘em here.

***

¹ By You I of course mean You who also know the glory and privilege of living in symbiosis with Apple Inc.

² As all responsible journalists should. Fox take note.

³ Musicians, I’d like to apologize on behalf of the Music industry for their use of the same word to describe your work that food companies use for fake cheese.

So by now we’ve all seen (and most likely, not by choice) the I Can Haz Cheeseburger cats (also known as Lolcats) found here. While they do have some funny photo/caption pairings, the whole concept is really getting old (did I actually just say, ‘getting’?). BUT CAT PEOPLE ARE INSATIABLE and so to quell your thirst for all things funny cat-ish, I bring you two wonderful cat sites – an oldie, but goodie, and more of a newbie (at least to me) that is just starting to gain real momentum.

Let’s start with the classic. Meet zefrank.com – a blog that, admittedly, I didn’t know much about until fellow MMemes blogger Moxx told me about it this morning. One section of his blog, My Cat Annie, is all about – you got it – his cat, Annie, and their zany antics together. Do I find it odd that a grown man has THIS much time on his hands and such a strong desire to play with his cat so much – yes, of course. But, never one to judge, I’m more than willing to enjoy the product of his lack of a social life plus his unwavering dedication to his kitteh. And really, who wouldn’t enjoy the inspiration for this…

Simon’s Cat is basically the animated (and much funnier, IMHO) version of My Cat Annie. Here, our host, Simon, cleverly and cutely illustrates some of his cat’s neurotic behaviors – because all cats have them – and he so adeptly captures the many nuances our beloved feline friends have that I often feel like I’m watching a clip of one of my very own kittehs. My personal favorites are Cat Man Do, Fly Guy, and TV Dinner (go to the ‘Films’ section to see them all), but each and every one got a least a few chuckles out of me. I know I’m hooked and I’m pretty sure you will be too. Just don’t tell your cats – Lord knows they already think the world revolves around them.

I’m having a hard time making decisions today and it feels like no matter what decision I do end up making, it’s the wrong one. Like this morning, I couldn’t decide if I should wake up and work out or sleep for another hour. I chose the extra sleep and instantly gained 10 pounds and then all my muscles atrophied. Then, I was trying to decide if I should make a run for it underground to the PATH in case a NYC-bound train was waiting, but then decided it probably wasn’t and it was really hot and sticky and so I leisurely meandered as usual. Turns out, the train was sitting there, waiting for me like a good train should, but when it caught wind of my laziness, it decided to spite me and pull away just as I got downstairs. Fail number two. And most recently in my trail of poor choices was lunch – I had to make a snap decision between delicious, but not-so-healthy, pasta leftovers or a wholesome turkey sandwich for lunch. I chose the latter and now, a mere 45 minutes after eating, I’m already completely famished, slowly withering away with the ticking of the clock. Well the bad decisions stop here!!! And so today, after wrestling with my blog topic of the week – which fun, quirky, awesome link to share with you all – I bring you… ALL OF THEM! Enjoy my little bloglings… you’re welcome.

Awesome link #1: What The F*ck Is My Social Media Strategy – it’s like the Internet is doing all of your work for you!

Awesome link #2: Extraordinary Ambidextrous Drawing Skills – because I can barely draw with one hand, and this guy is doing it with both… at the same time… upside down.

Awesome link #3: How To Quit Your Design Job – ok, so it’s not as funny as, let’s say, a screaming, profanity-laced tirade on a plane, followed by some beer hijacking and ride down the inflatable emergency slide, but this is still pretty damn ballsy if you ask me.

In the just over 30 months since being posted in November of 2007, this paeon to the LOLcats phenomenon has received 7,391 hits². WTF, you can almost hear The Knees (the band that did the catchy tune and, I assume, the video production) whine. Because you know what? This is the exact same formula Michael Bay used to make Transformers II, Zach Snyder used for Watchmen, and George Lucas used for his unholy prequel trilogy³.

Note: I appreciate the amount of work that goes into the likes of a Transformers II, Watchmen or Episode I-III. Squijillions of man hours were spent creating each of them. And certainly Sick of Being Stoned took a goodly amount of work, at least on the songwriting and musical production side⁴. As aggravating as it must be to the hard workers of the world, success clearly derives from more than hard work.

Like, sometimes, it’s just a matter of patience, and having a camera in the right place at the right time:

Kitten Surprise just celebrated its third anniversary, in which time it’s racked up 18.6 million views.

A hit’s a hit⁵.

***

¹ Gasp!

² Though, with mmemes.com’s heavy traffic, I expect that will be over 7,400 by the end of the week.

³ The major difference being that The Knees didn’t have studio backing or a diamond encrusted boxcar full of gold bars individually wrapped in freshly-minted thousand-dollar bills. But that’s their own stupid fault.

⁴ But honestly, guys, you could put a little more effort into your video. Would it kill you to at least crop the photos to the same size?

⁵ Bonus points to anyone that recognizes the pop culture reference.

Ladies and gents, I present to you the greatest example since New Coke that good + good != better, mccafespinart.com:

Guaranteed to be accurate to within about 10%, here’s the discussion that led to this particularly unentertaining piece of marketing fluff:

McMUCKITY MUCK 1: Golly. I sure wish we could sell more coffee in our stores. Can’t we get The Kids hooked on it?

McMUCKITY MUCK 2: We’ve tried. Haven’t you noticed how much more sugar and chocolatey sauce¹ we’ve been sending out? If the kids like one thing, it’s sugar. And, umm, chocolatey sauce.

McUPSTART: Chill, oldsters. Sugar is yesterday’s news. Today’s kids? What they like is Facebook?

McMUCKITY MUCK 1: Isn’t that something on that Internet they keep talking about?

McMUCKITY MUCK 2: I think you’re right, One. My grand daughter is always going on The Facebook and The MySpace. How pray tell do you suggest we sell coffee on the internet?

McUPSTART: It’s what we upstarts like to call Social Media. For a fraction of the cost of a single TV commercial, we glue ten million eyeballs to our product.

McMUCKITY MUCK 1: Gosh. That’s a lot of eyeballs. How’s it work?

McUPSTART: It’s totally simple. Have you heard of Keyboard Cat?

McMUCKITY MUCK 2: Wha?

McMUCKITY MUCK 1: Wha wha?

McUPSTART: Sheesh. Just click on the link and have a look. Here it is in a nutshell: all we have to do is come up with something cool and put it out there, and then The Kids tell their friends about it. Who tell their friends about it, who tell their friends…

McMUCKITY MUCK 1: By golly, it’s just like that shampoo from the ’70’s!

McUPSTART: Exactly!

McMUCKITY MUCK 2: So what’s this ’something cool’?

McUPSTART: Sky’s the limit. Funny videos are always a hit. Can’t go wrong with hot chicks with big boobs.

McMUCKITY MUCK 1: Hmmm. That seems contrary to our family-friendly image.

McMUCKITY MUCK 2: I hear The Kids enjoy these new fangled video games. Does that give you any ideas?

McUPSTART: Now you’re talking! Everybody loves games. Even middle agers, women, and anyone else bored with their desk job.

McMUCKITY MUCK 1: Yes, yes, I like where this is heading! Now, how to bring it back to our delicious coffee beverages… What’s that other company that sells coffee doing with games?

McUPSTART: Honestly, I think they’re missing the mark. Their games are all introspective and nerdy. What we need is something people will want to share. Something where you can have fun playing, then have some sort of trophy you can share with your friends — something that will make them want to come to our site-

McMUCKITY MUCK 2: –and then, of course, into one of our stores.

McUPSTART: Right, yes, of course. But before that, something they can pass around the Internet.

McMUCKITY MUCK 1: Passing things around to your friends. Sounds just like how I spent to ’60’s. So. What do you have in mind?

McUPSTART: We’ll get the agency to take care of the details. I’ll just make sure they get the broad strokes right: focus on the product, make it so you can share with your friends, blah blah blah. It should be done by the end of next week.

McMUCKITY MUCK 1: Fine work, you. Chipotle’s on me today.

¹ Note use of chocolatey, distinguishing it from chocolate, an ingredient the sauce may or may not contain.

There’s nothing more frustrating in the business world than dealing with ignorant, unruly, or self-righteous know-it-all clients. Of course, Mutant Media knows nothing about any of this – we love all of our clients – but we’ve certainly heard about some horrific stories that would make even the most even-tempered, thick-skinned designer cringe. No matter how bad your day is going, take comfort in the fact that you’re not the only one whose head is about to implode from stupidity overload. Countless designers out there are also suffering helplessly at the hands of people who just don’t get it, and now they’ve come together to vent, poke fun, and basically just try to stay sane at Clients From Hell. Take a peek, have a laugh, and realize that no matter how horrible you think your client is, it could always be worse.

[photo appropriated from badbeat.la]

Anyway, in the interest of actually booting a topic, KFC, formerly known as Kentucky Fried Chicken, has launched the Double Down: a ham and cheese sandwich served not on a roll, but between two breaded and deep fried chicken patties. Sounds awesome, right? You’ve got to hand them to it for ingenuity. Why waste calories on something as mundane as bread? The only reason the Earl of Sandwich used it in the first place was because they didn’t have napkins back in days of yore and he didn’t want to get his playing cards dirty.

And you know, you might really enjoy the first half. Compared to some other recent entries in the Thumbing-Your-Nose-At-Your-Belly category of fast food offerings, it’s reasonably tame. According to KFC’s published nutrition information, the Double Down is 540 calories: 32 grams of fat, 11 g carbohydrates, 53 g protein. That’s barely a space station compared to the moon that is Wendy’s Bacon Deluxe Triple – 1150 calories: 72 g fat, 47 g carbs, 77 g protein. And that moon is almost inconsequential next to some of the planets (including (wait for it… wait for it…) a couple of gas giants) listed below:

The Luther

[photo from thedailypage.com]

Allegedly created by Luther Vandross, the Luther is a bacon cheeseburger served not on a bun, but between two Krispy Kreme glazed doughnuts.

The Hamdog

[photo from texasburgerguy.com]

According to various reports around the Internet, the Hamdog is half hotdog, half burger, half chili, half fried egg and at least another half of assorted topings, totaling out around six and a half halfs.

The Fuddruckers Five-Pounder

[photo from riverfrontimes.com]

For those too lazy to order 20 McDonald’s Quarter Pounders, fern chain Fuddruckers offers this burger that could easily feed the entire cast of the youthful flashback sequences in Slumdog Millionaire, if only they were allowed to eat beef. Sorry, fictional kids, your loss.

We couldn’t POSSIBLY expect Lindsay Lohan to stay out of the spotlight for too long, could we? Up to her usual antics, Lohan has filed a $100M lawsuit against E-Trade for a 30-second commercial that aired during the Super Bowl and the Olympics, claiming that is was aimed at, and modeled after, her. In the spot, which you can watch here, one of the familiar E-Trade babies talks to his girlfriend about the importance of a diversified portfolio while she questions him about what else he’s been up to. The part in question? The girl baby asks, “And that milkoholic Lindsay wasn’t over?”

It seems that Lohan’s naivety and arrogance has led her to believe that her (extremely common) first name is a reference to her and only her (and let’s not forget her history of substance abuse which has given people like me many an opportunity to laugh at her expense). Since when is Lindsay freaking Lohan on the same level as the likes of Madonna, Oprah, Sting, Cher, Bono, or Beyonce? What has she done with her sad career that puts her on a first-name-only basis with the adoring masses? Does Lohan even have adoring masses these days? Sorry, Lindsay, but maybe you should stick to drunken antics for publicity – at least that was believable.

*Blogger’s Note: Ok, ok, E-Trade probably was poking fun at her. But still, I can hardly pass up an opportunity to join in the Lindsay-bashing. She just makes it so easy.