We couldn’t POSSIBLY expect Lindsay Lohan to stay out of the spotlight for too long, could we? Up to her usual antics, Lohan has filed a $100M lawsuit against E-Trade for a 30-second commercial that aired during the Super Bowl and the Olympics, claiming that is was aimed at, and modeled after, her. In the spot, which you can watch here, one of the familiar E-Trade babies talks to his girlfriend about the importance of a diversified portfolio while she questions him about what else he’s been up to. The part in question? The girl baby asks, “And that milkoholic Lindsay wasn’t over?”

It seems that Lohan’s naivety and arrogance has led her to believe that her (extremely common) first name is a reference to her and only her (and let’s not forget her history of substance abuse which has given people like me many an opportunity to laugh at her expense). Since when is Lindsay freaking Lohan on the same level as the likes of Madonna, Oprah, Sting, Cher, Bono, or Beyonce? What has she done with her sad career that puts her on a first-name-only basis with the adoring masses? Does Lohan even have adoring masses these days? Sorry, Lindsay, but maybe you should stick to drunken antics for publicity - at least that was believable.

*Blogger’s Note: Ok, ok, E-Trade probably was poking fun at her. But still, I can hardly pass up an opportunity to join in the Lindsay-bashing. She just makes it so easy.

Having a hard time choosing a career path? Wish that someone would come along and just tell you what to do with your life and cut out all the guesswork? Poof! Your wish has been granted with Career Path’s Color Career Counselor.

Just a few clicks and this eerily accurate test outlines your strongest qualities and suggests the career fields you would most excel in – all by evaluating your preferences when shown a series of color boxes. Unable to resist anything having to do with color theory, a few Mutant Media staffers took the test themselves. Not shockingly, we were told that we are “Creators” who place high value on aesthetic qualities and self expression, and should pursue careers in Advertising, Design, Writing, and the like (phew). And this blogger was also told that she was highly sociable and talkative, which explains the high school senior superlative election as Class Chatterbox (see mom, GENETICS!); apparently I’m also a “Persuader” which may or may not be validated depending on if you click that little link above (c’mon, you know you want to… all the cool kids are doing it!).

What do your color preferences say about you? 

Stuck in a creative rut? Maybe the current client you’re designing for isn’t the most glamourous. Maybe you don’t even work in the creative field. There are still plenty of creative outlets to let your artistic voice be heard (we are artists after all, right?). Smashing Magazine, one of a zillion design blogs on the web….is a site I was recently turned on to. Aside from inspiration and CS4 pointers, it is also a monthly forum for all aspiring creatives to take a stab at creating their own desktop wallpaper. Whatever your forte is (illustration, photography, design) the online publication welcomes design of all shapes and sizes (providing they fit into the spec’d aspect ratios).  So if you’re an aspiring artist/designer or just need some creative inspiration….I invite you to check out the themes for November (that’s right….u still have half a month to rock these babies!)

]]> http://mmemes.com/2009/11/12/i-scream-you-scream/feed/ http://mmemes.com/2009/07/29/todays-hash-meme-failedchildrensbooktitles/ http://mmemes.com/2009/07/29/todays-hash-meme-failedchildrensbooktitles/#comments Wed, 29 Jul 2009 19:20:52 +0000 Em Dash http://mmemes.com/?p=897 Here are some twitter gems on the venerated subject, #failedchildrensbooktitles.

vintagegent: #failedchildrensbooktitles Little House in the Red Light District

SorryIGotDrunk: Bi-Curious George #failedchildrensbooktitles

GraphXXGrrrl: The Lion, The Witch, & The Wardrobe Malfunction#failedchildrensbooktitles

sssemester: The Velveeta Rabbit #failedchildrensbooktitles

Xpinkranger: “Chicken Soup for the Nazi’s Soul” #failedchildrensbooktitles

kellek1974: Charlie and the Closed Factories of Flint, Michigan#failedchildrensbooktitles (Written by Michael Moore obviously)

@diablocody: Nobody Else Poops #failedchildrensbooktitles

thewritingthing: Oh, The Places You’ll Ho! #failedchildrensbooktitles

macmullet: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phallus #failedchildrensbooktitles

@robcorddry: Goodnight Poon #failedchildrensbooktitles

So the new Super Bowl logo came out awhile back. A heavily anticipated annual event amongst me and my fellow sports junkies. Much to my chagrin, there is absolutely no conceptual significance behind it whatsoever.  If you check out http://sportslogos.net/team.php?id=593 (a great reference tool) you’ll find every Super Bowl logo dating back to the very first one in 1966. Back then it was too cool to be called the Super Bowl so they simply referred to it as “First World Championship Game AFL vs NFL” Hmmm, wonder how that looks 12 pixels wide reversed on black. If you look through the logos though, it’s quite an interesting historical timeline of American design (as well as the upgrades and new tools that Illustrator has enlightened us with i.e. Super Bowl XXXIII…yea shear tool!)

This brings me to the current 3-Dimensional mess that is the logo for Super Bowl XLIV…
Kids…they made it easy on us! Only 4 characters!!! Not a gazillion like SBXXXVIII. The tradition of using roman numerals is one of the most unique aspects of the SB logo and yet that isn’t even the first thing I see. Jockeying my eye for attention is the gaping upright smack dab in the center of the damn thing. An old professor of mine use to say he could drive a truck through our typography if the kerning was too wide. Instead,  now we can all kick field goals through the most publicized logo on the planet (oddly enough, Michael Strahan’s grin is now the size of Rhode Island, for he no longer has the biggest gap in the NFL). Unlike many of years past, this orange and blue behemoth pays no homage to the actual site of the game (which is in Miami). Just 2 years back, SBXLII’s logo nicely integrated the state of Arizona in the background. Several including 1986 and 1992 pay homage to the Rose Bowl (where both were played). And yet this current  mongolian has no tie to Miami other than the fact that it is orange and is being played at the “Orange Bowl” (bet no one got that connection did they?)

While I’m on the subject, may I quickly also make a request that the NFL goes back to neutral colors for all championship merchandise? Take a look at these Steeler championship hats from last year…

Those are some sweet Seahawks colors, however the look can’t really be pulled off by the other 31 teams in the league. Don’t get me wrong….if the Eagles win the Super Bowl next year, I’ll buy everything under the sun. I just prefer that it doesn’t all look like Chicago Bears merch, thanks! No worries though, I’m sure they’ll lose in yet another heartbreaking NFC Championship game and the burden of buying championship gear will sadly be placed in the hands of Green Bay Packer fans nation wide.

Unless you sell food. What’s with the rash of overly-sexual gross-out food campaigns? Paris and her burger fixation is old news. Subway did a viral video (with Playboy) called “2 Girls 1 Sub.” Burger King has an ad with a crimson-mouthed woman opening wide to eat their new 7″ sandwich, with the headline “It’ll Blow Your Mind Away.” Don’t forget the Quiznos oven that alludes to certain activities with its employees. And now, Hardees has their “Find My Hole” campaign to push their new “biscuit holes.”

I suppose, since eating is as necessary to life and prosperity as sex is, this is actually genius. Right? Push those male members of society to do their duty! And eat moar foodz! Are fast food companies targeting men only? You have to admit: these campaigns aren’t exactly pushing any female agendas (you thought I’d say ‘buttons,’ didn’t you.)

While we all have to eat, sexualizing food in such a male-centric way seems like an attractive stereotype for marketers. Aren’t they the breadwinners? Don’t they need the fat to hibernate? Similarly, women are reduced to bon-bon eating (see: Dove chocolate) yogurt-licking (see: Dannon / Yoplait) dieting (heyy Jenny!) über moms (see: Any Supermarket). Maybe that’s why we (almost) always see the overweight/buffoon husband with the fit, attractive wife on sitcoms.

To top it off, there’s this odd dynamic with gay & lesbian themes. Hardees wants you to find their hole, but everyone who tries the A-hole thinks it’s too small, or kind of nasty. We’re only so lucky they didn’t include a C-hole or above. So while finding a hole is important, some holes are just not right. Guffaw.

Then there’s the obvious porn stereotype of two hot girls getting it on (just for fun though, so you’re still in the picture) in the case of Subway. So if you eat a Subway sandwich, all the hot chicks in the room will totally fight/love you/each other for it. This doesn’t seem to qualify as a straight-up lesbian theme, since it’s clearly done as a fantasy.

Burger King’s ad is slightly more nuanced (if you can call it that.) While seeing an image of a woman welcoming a huge, throbbing seven-inch sandwich into her mouth can be titillating (for gluttons?) how would a heterosexual man feel once he orders the thing? Is he also thought to pleasure the sandwich? Or is he supposed to somehow translate that into a freaky masturbatory act? This part of the call-to-action seems pretty homo-friendly, if it weren’t for all that gal-on-dude hype to cover up any hidden intentions. This said, I doubt any hidden lesbian themes beyond the exhibitionist pornstar will crop up anytime soon. Because we all know lesbians don’t eat.

This is all not to say that eating food (or making food) isn’t sexy in itself. Humans first eat from their mothers’ breasts, so that’s not really a tough concept to grasp. Maybe we should all avoid fast food completely and start making steaming, savory risotto together at home. Where the heart/bed is.

I’m blaming you, the reader, for all the horrible double entendres in this post.

This article in Brandweek, in addition to introducing me to the term “home meal replacement solutions” (apparently the PC expression for takeout), quotes Pizza Hut CMO Brian Niccol (aka, Brian the Hut) with this explanation for the change:

Design is a great way to create an emotional expression for your brand. But the pizza category has been a real laggard in doing that. Our red box is a game changer in packaging and design. And yes, we’re also introducing another vocabulary word with Pizza Hut, which is ‘The Hut.’ That ties in nicely with [today's] texting generation. We wanted to make sure that Pizza Hut and ‘The Hut’ become common vernacular for our brand. Red is our mark and when you see that red roof, people will refer to it as ‘The Hut’ or ‘Pizza Hut.’ As we expand our online and mobile businesses, ‘The Hut’ is the perfect icon for our mobile generation.

Sure, sure. I’m sure a lot of harried parents rushing home (late again) to feed their progeny after a day that started 14 hours earlier pause to think, should I go with something marginally healthy or go with the one in the really bright red box? And the horde of stereotypically lethargic teenaged gamer bois might, in deciding how long to tear themselves away from Dungeon of Dorkcraft to txt 4 fud, choose the delivery service with the lowest character count.

All of which would be funnier if focus group feedback didn’t back it up. Rant against focus groups available upon request.

But, hey, who am I to ridicule somebody else’s screwball ideas. I’ve certainly had my fair share of seemed-like-a-good-idea-at-the-time moments, at least half a dozen of which photographic evidence can be found somewhere on the internet. I have little doubt The Hut’s first quarter will be measurably better than Pizza Hut’s final quarter. After all, if you see a new logo outside it stands to reason they’ve made changes inside, right? Right??